Life has finally settled into something of a routine here in my little world. 

J is back at school and so far it’s going well.  I usually don’t get calls from teachers in the first month anyway, but I’ve seen him maturing lately so I’m hoping 5th grade is getting off to a good start.  So far he’s only had one unfinished assignment sent home.  He’s doing his homework better; this year he has a larger desk at home and I’ve figured out little things, like letting him rest his feet on a basketball will make him less fidgety and letting him type his assigments helps him to write.  He’s enjoying switching classes at school and the responsibility they’re giving him with time management and challenging work (oh, heaven, finally – challenging work).  I started letting him ride his bike to school, which gives me palpitations a little but I know it’ll be okay. 

He’s still doing cub scouts and I’ve enrolled him in flute lessons outside of school, with the aim for him to be able to rejoin band next year in middle school.  It’s expensive but I’m balancing it all.  He decided a few weeks ago that he wants to be a Buddhist and vegetarian.  I think Buddhism is right up his alley even if he doesn’t realize it completely yet.  He’s doing well with his new diet, although he does confess to missing steak. 

Mostly, I’ve just been looking at him lately and wanting to burst with pride over how he’s growing up, and cry over how he’s growing up at the same time.  It’s hard to explain. 

For my part, things are good.  Much better than my pissed rant (which honestly only lasted about as long as it took to write).  Work is getting better.  I figured out if I go down to our main office at the beginning of each week, I can set myself up with work for the week that offers some variety and urgency to my queue.  Plus it’s energizing to see everyone.  I’m working at coffee shops a few mornings a week.  There really is too much benefit to working from home for me to complain about it.  I realized I suffer generally from a lack of self-motivation in many areas in my life and I’m just going to have to put on my big girl undies and figure it out.  It’ll be good for me.

I’m making some friends in town – building a support network, as it were, but also just enjoying the company of other women like me.  I’ve been out a bit in the city, too, although I always assume that people there aren’t friends but acquaintances.  I can’t imagine someone calling me up and wanting to come out to the ‘burbs for a drink and to watch House or something.  I wish they would, though.  They’re very interesting people.  I don’t mind the juxtaposition with the two lives anymore…just two sides of the same shiny coin.

I’m still feeling the aftereffects of my personal epiphany this summer.  I’ve honestly been enjoying life more, just being in the moment and not thinking at all about how I fit in to situations or people’s lives or about how I’m perceived.   It’s been a little odd to lose that voice in my head after all these years.  It makes me a little sad that I wasn’t like this sooner.  Life is what it is, though, and I’m just glad I did change. 

My birthday is in a few weeks.  I’m not sure how I feel about being 34.  Seems old.  At least for me.  But I’m doing pretty well, I think, and besides, I always did love life and cake.

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